Item! Item!

[unclecranky]

Heater Helper:
It detects as EXTREMELY magical. It even acts like a Heater with a Zapparmor spell upon it, as well as a spell to teleport it to the owners hand at need. How convenient. Right up until it takes 5 (total, accumulated) hits of spite damage.
You guys DO know me, right?
When that unfortunate event occurs, it spews 5 helpings of macaroni, cheese, and tater-tot casserole back at it's wearer, augmented with the condiments of the GM's choice. To make matters worse, while the player CAN give this item away, every shield he/she uses FROM then on turns into the Heater Helper - and he or she finds that her/his friend/ally/shopkeeper now has one, too...

[mahrundl]

Now that's sharing the love!

[cram]

Feb 11, 2014 13:00:58 GMT -5 unclecranky said:

...it spews 5 helpings of macaroni, cheese, and tater-tot casserole back at it's wearer, augmented with the condiments of the GM's choice. To make matters worse...

I think hot Tar-Tar sauce or maybe bacon dressing and guacamole!

[unclecranky]

...You DO, of course know I'm only gonna get worse from here, don't you, Cram? (mad, continuous laughter ringing off the trollbridge)

[cram]

I'll stand back and watch

[unclecranky]

Great Sword +2/+10 vs Middle and Lower Managers: This great sword gets an extra two adds (only two! Wah!) against most critters, but when it encounters anyone with a propensity to manage (whether the target OR not, right down to the character wielding it)it comes ALIVE, dancing on its own, and getting 16 full dice + 10 adds in combat, all the while wailing "YOU! You canned me! I was a good worker!" It will continue fighting on its own until ALL managers in the vicinity are dead, all the while ranting on about overtime and lousy working conditions.
Before encountering such a verminous creature, and after all such are dispatched, the Sword +2/+10 vs Middle and Lower managers is silent, though you made hear the occasional whimper after encounters for up to two weeks such as:(use your best faint whimper here): "I was a GOOD letter opener."

[unclecranky]

Enchanted Wood (blame Cram for getting me back going in earnest, and Prof Gremlin for the idea-seed...):
Looks like a standard quarterstaff. FEELS like an enchanted quarterstaff. Gets two extra dice when used to whack somebody UNLESS you're in combat with them. Then it goes limp like a wet noodle... and something else becomes hard and...woody... The um, secondary enchantment still reads as "combat magic" if an Omnipotent Eye spell is used, and it takes three days and nights straight in a brothel to "cure" temporarily. Bring lots of juice. Or a 20th level Curses Foiled MIGHT do the trick...
(sorry, I KNOW I'm gonna get censored)

[unclecranky]

SheHobbit Purse of Shame: When weilded by any female,middle-aged or elderly hobbit, the thing weighs 27gp, requires a Str of 2 and a Dex of 3, and does 16dice and 9 adds of stunning damage (only). Victims are INSTANTLY stunned, and fall to the ground dazed for a minimum of 6 ct (d6+6) Due to secrets of manufacture, however, the instant ANY OTHER GENDER OR KINDRED tries to pick the SheHobbit Purse of Shame up, the weight of the thing increases to 270,000 gp. Emptying it out (should you relieve the hobbit in question of the thing) is a dangerous quest in and of itself - Delvers who do it ANY OTHER WAY than by lifting it up and upending it can expect to take 1d6 in damage per ct spent on the task - said time being the number of combat turns equivilent to the she-hobbit in question's age, in years. Young and middle aged female hobbits are immune to this damage.
When emptied, the purse magically refills with much the same contents in half the time spent emptying it. Typical contents include (but feel free to customize): pipes, pipeweed, pocket handkerchiefs (hundreds of these, all used), methods of producing flames, used candies and their wrappers, toe and fingernail trimming devices, small knives, razors (if found in your gameworld), scraps of paper with bits of writing on them, marital aids, various feminine hygeine products (some used), bathroom supplies, makeup, a skillet, paring knives, a butcher block, a bit of dried cooked beast, three to ten cakes, a jar of some unidentified liquid (go on, have a taste!) dried inkpots, dried fruits, cups, broken pens, unmailed letters, and... change. Lots and lots of the smallest denominations found in your gameworld. The SheHobbit in question, of course, may pull ANY item she specifies (up to and including a fully functioning kitchen) out of the thing AT WILL.

[sligo]

You forgot to mention the female hobbit is able to reach into this purse and pull out the one thing she needs the most without spending any time searching for it.

[unclecranky]

StormSling of HobbitKind: The name pretty much says it all. It functions (most of the time) as a +2 or +3 dice sling. If in the hands of a Hobbit, however, it gets +4 or +5 dice AND +2 or 3 adds - you decide as GM how generous you want to be. In addition, if any of those dice come up sixes for damage, the stone used detonates in a barrage of magic lightning and thunder, dealing 10x the dice roll in damage to EVERYONE within 25 ft (save for HALF damage only). A thunderstorm ensues in a two mile radius from the blast for the next two hours, with an additional lightning bolt coming down SOMEWHERE within the affected area every game turn. Bolts do 40 or 50 d6 damage EACH (again, decide HOW destructive you want to be, and where - YOU created the gameworld). And no, the little furburger using the sling may NOT direct the bolts. The sling is furthermore indestructible, meaning that it may WELL survive it's owner... several times over. Have fun with THIS toy, Bungo the magnificent!

[unclecranky]

Mar 4, 2014 16:52:21 GMT -5 sligo said:

You forgot to mention the female hobbit is able to reach into this purse and pull out the one thing she needs the most without spending any time searching for it.

Thanks! Edited for suggestion (heehee)!

[ProfGremlin]

Mar 6, 2014 12:53:05 GMT -5 unclecranky said:

StormSling of HobbitKind:

When I read the name of the item, my first thought was, "Oh, no, he's created a sling to throw hobbits further..."

[unclecranky]

Mar 6, 2014 19:29:29 GMT -5 ProfGremlin said:

Mar 6, 2014 12:53:05 GMT -5 unclecranky said:

StormSling of HobbitKind:

When I read the name of the item, my first thought was, "Oh, no, he's created a sling to throw hobbits further..."

:DThanks for the idea... I'll take it from here...

[unclecranky]

Boots of Gnome-kind: Sized magically to fit ANY humanoid race, these wondrous Dragon-scale, CLEATED foot-wear are sturdy, long-lasting, impervious to nicks, punctures, bonks, cuts, heat, and ice. Beneficient magic of the school of Combat is sensed. The boots are magically enchanted to do 3 dice of damage to anyone they step on. However, the boots are BLESSED by the ancient Troll deity, Cantankeru. Nobody who puts them on may EVER take them off by themselves. Anyone putting them on is immediately subjected to a geas. They will go forth, hence, and stomp on Gnomes. The boots will enable this behavior to the point of dislocating a delver's legs if they happen to be of too short a stature to stomp naturally. The boots will cooperate in efforts to jump on Gnomes from above by such smallish individuals, too, of course (but you need NOT tell your players that)... Now, just imagine "gifting" your local Gnome illusionist THESE sweeties... It makes me feel all warm inside.

[Aramis of Erak]

Caltrop Hat of Giant Smiting:
This pointy skullcap, which detects as beneficial combat magic, renders the wearer immune to stomp and airborne snatch attacks, and further, does 2d6+(half the attacker's adds) to any attacker using a stomp attack against the wearer, or any flying critter attempting to snatch the wearer. The spike on top looks innocuous, but part of it's dweomer is to penetrate any armor.

The hat looks vaguely like a yarmulke or zuchetto, but with an upright tassal at the top, which said tassal hides the spike. The chin strap can be adjusted for almost any hominid species, and it may be worn either alone or over another helmet, and counts 1 point of Strength require when worn with helms; if worn alone, it also provides 1 point of armor, requires no Str.

Dragons will sense this device immediately and switch targets.